Iraq Free State, Inc.

by Charles Knight

The neocons are a tenacious bunch. Last week I got together with an old college roommate who grew up to become a neocon insider in Washington. On the way to meet him I practiced my nuanced "I told you so" lines in anticipation that he would be anxious and vulnerable about the great project unfolding and apparently collapsing in Iraq. Instead he was positively glowing and enthusiastic about the future.

He told me he had just returned from a high-level weekend retreat at a location near Washington that he could not disclose. In the course of a single day they had gone from "very troubling" assessments of the prospects for the new Interim Government to detailing an "entirely new program for freedom" in Iraq. Somewhat dubious, I asked him what this could be. Earnestly he proceeded to outline the new plan.

First he reminded me that the Bush administration believes that "government is a bad way (sic) to do anything worthwhile" and that the policy in Iraq has been to privatize as many functions as possible.

The big new idea coming out of the weekend retreat was to privatize the whole affair. The Iraqis don't seem to be too keen on the democratic way we want to show them, so why not just dispense with the Iraqi government idea all together.

When, as expected, the new Iraqi government body collapses in failure later this year the U.S. will declare the new Iraq corporation modeled after the Congo Free State owned privately for thirty years by King Leopold II of Belgium in the late 19th Century. Secretary Rumsfeld, working closely with the Vice President's office, will put together a consortium of multinational corporations to invest in, run, and make profitable the Iraq Free State, Inc. "We've been criticized for unilateralism," he said, "but this will involve multinational corporations. You can't fault that."

"Look," my friend continued, "everyone knows that Iraq was cobbled together by the Brits and isn't a nation state in any true sense. Our corporate model will avoid all the problems of getting Kurds, Sunnis, and Shiites to work together in a national government. We'll just appoint a board of directors, reserving a couple spots for prominent native Iraqis. Leave the day to day stuff to the CEO who could come over from any of the major corporations doing business in Iraq already."

"Between you and me," he went on, "the only important parts of the Iraqi economy are the natural resources and some agriculture along the river banks. The rest of the place, well forget it! Oh, I almost forgot, the Iraq Free State, Inc. will make some real good money from leasing bases to the U.S. military. With any luck in a few years the company can go public and the principals should be a position to become truly rich."

"But Iraq has population of 25 million," I protested, "and the business you have described would at best only employ a few hundred thousand."

"Yes that is a problem," he admitted, "and it took several hours at the retreat to come up with an answer. Many Iraqis actually prefer Arab tribal life to the modern market economy we have in mind, so we are thinking of declaring large parts of the desert 'Arab Reserves' where Iraqis who don't work for the company can pursue their traditional nomadic customs. In ten years or so these areas might even become a tourist attraction providing investors another profit center -- imagine camel rides and resorts with luxury air-conditioned tents surrounding large 'blue oasis' pools."

"Besides, a corporate structure makes it much easier to deal with recalcitrant characters and dead-enders. You just give them a pink slip and tell them to get off the property."

"Have you briefed the president on this yet," I asked.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure he'll buy in. He said he really liked the sound of the 'free state thing'; that it went really well with his big freedom theme."

"Oh, one other thing," he said as we parted, "The Israelis are really excited about the idea. How does 'Palestine Free State' sound?"

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Charles Knight is the co-director of the Project on Defense Alternatives at the Commonwealth Institute -- http://www.comw.org/pda/